| this one's for me |
[29 Sep 2005|08:23pm] |
For the first time in my life, ever, i am going to write an entry for me. and not worry about who is going to read it and what they will think. I dont want to sound like i hate my life because i dont. and I dont want people to think i am saying this for attention because at this point i dont care. I just need to get this off my chest. and maybe in the future, if i look back and read this i will remember what happened and know never to make the same mistakes again.
I care about what others think of me way to much. I want to fit in but doesnt everyone? i think i just take it over the top. I dont know why i do these things i cant help it i just, idk i literally feel sick to my tummy when people hate me but i dont care about that anymore. NOTE TO SELF: one tummy ache, and one person hating u will NOT ruin ur life. lying to everyone, including the one u love, will. rememebr that n never do this again. I promise it isnt worth it.
You have this wonderful opprotunity that you have waited for, dreamed of, wished for, sitting right infront of you. but he knows your flaws better then you, and he knows you and the more he talks the more you wonder why he is still here. yes you know he isnt perfect but at least he knows who he is and the reality is you dont. I dont have a clue who i am and that agrivates me. all i know is what makes me happy, which is him. and when I am with him i dont care if anyone hates me or likes me, i want to fix my mistakes. I have lied in the past, whether I meant to or not. point is I did. and that is one thing i need to change about myself. I want to care about myself rather then what everyone else thinks of me. that is my goal for the next couple of months and that is what I am going to do.
the end.
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| I'm bored, everyone is either at class or working |
[28 Sep 2005|09:01am] |
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Time to waste- Alkaline Trio |
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So here I am, sitting on my tush with nothing to do while everyone else is being productive. Well I have pleanty I could be doing, but I am bored and alone and cant pay attention to anything. sheesh, the less things i have to do the less productive I am. I become so lazy. It doesnt make sence but when I use to work all the time and have guard and try to see all my friends I managed to get my stuff done no problem. eh maybe i need to get a life before I can get things done. how does that sound?
anywho.
Last night, at Nicholas hall they had "sex in the lounge" which is basically a sex triva game. but rather then educational, it was more of a gross party or something ha. All i saw was a group of both guys and girls putting condoms on bananas, using only their mouth. I was like AH!! then I went back to my room haha. Sorry stina and kevin. didnt mean to ditch you guys. I felt really bad.
I saw mike a little yesterday also. Altho most of the time he was here he was asleep. I had to wake him up in order for him to leave at like 1030ish. He is a little nuts and he has the nerve to call me crazy. ha every other second there was a "BS" joke- sigh. where did I find you? oh yea. In a science lab haha. <3 we annoy eachother so much yet we somehow still enjoy it. haha like seriously, who fights over what color motorcycle looks better or "BS" yea....i miss him already. soo much.
I realize i miss so many people, but like stupid things about them. Like I miss steve garcias random outburst. Frans stories in my car. Migz crazy high fives haha. Dez and Petes stupid fights. My WINNING volleyball team! ha we rocked! I miss guard, and singing hellogoodbye with carolyn, mechler and melissa. I miss camp. and everything about it exspecially my long talks with jaclyn. I miss Vin m and our silly conversations. I miss troy debates, that turned into fights, that turned into hate, that turned into us laughing about my stupidity haha. I miss hearing a car/bike up outside my house and knowing that meant mike was there and that i was about to smile. I miss the corner where we all hung out inbetween classes ( and where I beat of steve ha). sheesh I could go on forever but I assume u all must be sick of reading since I am now also. blah. TTYL<3
"My bed smells like home"
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| blah |
[27 Sep 2005|11:17pm] |
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I am so happy.
and it's all thanks to him.
<3
Let's just hope this time, things work out.
ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im slowly driving myself insane. im so dumb
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| Things I want to do during my lifetime :) |
[25 Sep 2005|09:28pm] |
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Okay, I was thinking and thought of a few more things to add to my list. and since I dicided to use this journal again, i figured i'd might as well write down all of them, some were completed already, but not many.
No order really...
1) Honestly be able to say I am completely happy.
2) Go to Niagra Falls
3) Go to Hawaii
4) Get over my fear of planes
5) Get over my hypocondria
6) Go on a motorcycle (CHECK)
7) Make a difference in someones life, like be someone's angel
8) Have a spontanious road trip
9) Get married and be truely in love/ be part of a happy relationship
10) Get asked to be the "maid of honor"
11) Forgive someone who truely hurt me (CHECK)
12) Donate blood
13) Join a new church
14) Tell my padre that I love him and that I am sorry for never showing it
15) Own my own home
16) Have enough money to live comfortably
17) Have something named in my honor
18) Have a strong self esteem
19) Do something worth "telling the grandchildren about" (CHECK)
20) Finish writing my book
21) Learn to swim well
22) Be asked out by someone in an unforgetable way
23) Make a Psychological discovery
24) Visit every state
25) Learn how to shoot a gun
26) Graduate from college
27) Love my job
28) Learn how to cook really well
29) Go back and thank the teachers that influenced my life, Mrs. Pennell, Mrs. Wyer, Mrs. Grosshandler
30) Walk around passion puddle, and believe in the myth it holds
31) Make my parents proud of me
32) Go to New York around Christmas and ice-skate below the christmas tree
33) Get a puppy
34) STOP PROCRASTINATING
35) Finish everything I started
and on that note.. i'll stop this. but I will finish it, eventually haha <3
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| hmm... |
[25 Sep 2005|03:28pm] |
Okay, so I gave up on the journal thing for a while, and dispite recent post about haveing to start using this again, i havent. well that is, havent until now. I was in one of those moods yesterday to relive the past and i read a lot of the old entries. (if you're a girl, you know what I mean). well, it made me think about how cool it will be in the future to go back and read about college life. not that it is much different then the rest of my life but whatever. I am really going to try and update as much as possible. lets start with today.
Rebecca ( my roomate) , and our friends kyle, sam and amanda all went to see the dalai lama. haha that was an experience id say.
and now i am sick and guna take a nap to feel better but until then. goodbye :)
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| blah... again |
[30 May 2005|11:55am] |
SO here i am... writing anouther livejournal entry... (seriously? who does this still lol)
Yesterday was pretty cool... had its ups n downs... n here they are
Worked... down
Getting a note in my till from steve haha.. up
The weather- up!!
The fact my pool was still to cold... down
Getting all done up and pretty... up
Not seeing bill after all that work... down
Not seeing bill in general... down
seeing fran... up
Bill going to the beach without me... down
getting my hair done by fran.. up!
looking at sites with fran- up! lol
Hearing stories from fran- up!
hanging with mike- up
the fact it wasnt until 9 that i hung out with mike... down
Firecrackers- up
Getting lost by mansions- up
mike peeing on a rich guys lawn- up haha
Mike beating me with a tree branch- uh... still havent decided haha
Fran singing to herself and talking bout balls- up! lol
laughing for hours in my car with mike n fran- up!!!
dad yelling at me for being out too late- down
not caring- up lol
Still to cold for us to swim... down
them leaving- down
sleeping- up!! lol i was soo exhausted haha
um so over all it was an amazing day...i laughed a lot.. a whole lot
so thats it
the end
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| hmmm |
[18 May 2005|04:15pm] |
I am considering using this thing again... whether or not I will whoo knows
If I find time.. then I'll do it :)
today is three months with bill.. Happy 90 days! whoo! ha
All I did was sleep and now im just... eating cookies?
maybe ill check out a tanning salon.. u know, since prom is in like 3 weeks
holy christmas I had no idea it was that soon... ugh im nervous ha
well... the end for today... if u want me to keep using this.. comment mo fos
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| hahaha |
[02 Mar 2005|08:10pm] |
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people still use live journal.. ha didnt know that
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| wow long time no write |
[19 Dec 2004|08:34pm] |
o man im updating... weird
i wonder in anyone even has these anymore.. whatever...
if u still use ur livejournal.. post mo fo...
well here is the update.. new boyfriend who is hot and awesome and funny and rob lol
he is amazing <333
and we went to NY and took cute pictures that i will post one day
andddddd
idk wat else to say so ill type whenever i feel like it ha later kids
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| The summer c |
[06 Sep 2004|12:23pm] |
EVERYONE.. post your favorite memories of this summer!!
ready....
Post...
NOW!
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[24 Aug 2004|11:09pm] |
Band camp is almost over.. thank god
Come to the preformance thursday night if ya want to <3
uh... ya i wanna make a website about just randome stuff that happened over the summer cuz i NEVER want to forget it
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[19 Aug 2004|07:16pm] |
Yesterday corey picked me up from band camp... He came o the feild and helpped me carry everything into the school :) then when I got in his car i noticed the air conditioning was on... which is strange cuz he hates having it on but he told me he figured i'd be hot so he put it on.. how cute! AND THEN!! he handed me an ice cold bottle of water that he brought incase i was thursty... and THEN! he handed me flowers that he bought me for no reason at all.. he is seriously the best ever!!
he broke me to his house and made me dinner. after that he took me to a show and then out for ice creams... isnt the the bestest ever
I dont want him to ever leave :(
but ya that def made my summer right there <33
thank you coreyy!!
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[17 Aug 2004|10:20pm] |
sunday was a lot of fun... went out driving with the guys.. caused trouble... ya know.. the usual! Lost some people along the way but whatev. It was awesome :) oh and btw... COREY, steve g and stephen all dance amazingly to cuban music lol dont ask!
band camp as begun...
I got nice color...
Met 2 new freshman... Bill Lee and Ej... I didnt really talk to EJ he was just kinda amazed that me and nicole mershon had the same name n were by eachother... so he kept yelling NICOLE randomly... strange but w/e... helpped to pass the time.
I will post pix eventually lol
uh... dunt wanna right anymore :)
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[14 Aug 2004|10:18pm] |
It makes me really happy when I know someone cares about me as much as i do them... it really makes me smile
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYAN
sorry to the guys... i know we had plans today.. sorry i wasnt home.. pete n eldas took longer than we thought n cors whole family was there n i met em for the first time so i didnt wanna bail out.. sorry kids :-\
corey... ur the best...
holy poop everyoneee!! corey gave me a drawing he did!! its amaziiinggg!! it's my favorite one.. hmm lets see if i can figure out how to add a pic...
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[12 Aug 2004|10:30pm] |
First half...
1- VoTech for Child Care
2- Votech for Child Care
3- Creative Writing room 115
4- Psychology room 212
Second Half...
1- VoTech for Child Care
2- Votech for Child Care
3- English 4 a room 110
4- Gym
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[10 Aug 2004|11:24am] |
Someone: thanx for always being there nicole... even if sometimes i dont thin you can help.. or just dont want you too
Someone: im always glad to just now that theres one more person that cares about me and wants to help me and make me happy
I feel loved *
I swear... my goal in life is to make everyones life better :) I get so happy when people say things like that *
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| brushing our teeth? what?!? phsyco! |
[10 Aug 2004|11:21am] |
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Saturday * so family reunion was mucho fun.. hung with henry n kevin mostly... well besides for my brother n first cousins lol... played man hunt... met a dane that loves dane cook.. amazing right? i think its my cousin katies bf... well if it is.. I approve katie.. he seems cool. Loris bf was nice also they were both on my team for man hunt lol... which was a lot of fun until everyone quit. oh well.. over all it was an amazing day * I wish I could have brought corey!
Sunday * went to mi padres, got my nails dun... and got my first back to school outfit.. mucho awesome!
Monday * Barn... work... the dinner... then steve calls me and tells me we are going to taco bell n to find stephen.. but b4 I could find him... he calls me! super cool. so I hang with him until steve tara and bonnie gets there. Oh man stephen and me are too silly. we were brushing out teeth outside.. haha so we go to taco bell... then burger king where I saw vin and lins. Actually I got down on my knees and beged stephen to stay in jackson in the middle of burger king :) oh well. then we went to farleys but it was closed.. so stephen got on his knees and begged the girl to let us in but she couldnt lol... good try tho stephen. so instead we got ice cream at stop n shop. me and stephen got fish food flavor and bonnie got cookie dough... yumm so on the way back to crystal brook.. me and stephen were sharing the ice cream.. n i was getting mad cuz i couldnt scoop any out.. so i would just take it off his spoon b4 he could eat it haha im so funny... bonnie was hilarious... she was randomly laughing.. lol i miss that girl..havent hung with her except for new yrs! which was a lot of fun... corey n i had fun messign with her that night haha <3 u bonnie! steve is hilarious also... dude he like randomly thru ice cream for no reason haha i hope i didnt scare him n tara away lol whoops?
so a lot more happened but this entry would go on forever... so basically the night was amazing !
I wish cor was there tho!!!!!! that idiot better come back soon * 10 days feels like forever! the end *
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[07 Aug 2004|09:43am] |
at nanas house :)
spent the night here... family reunion today... fun!
hadda take off work... whatev
might go to el padre's casa tomorrow
might not lol
guess no warped tour this yr for nikki since i have no one to go with... since cor is gone!!
congratz on the licence HOT SAUCE
drove with troy ... n im still alive :)
Mike got a motorcycle!!!!!! its cute ha
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